But what about those times where I bring my WANTS to God? I try really hard not to treat God like Santa Clause or a vending machine. At least this has been what I have been told to avoid growing up in church. "God won't give you a red Ferrari just because you ask for it!" My solution for years has been to avoid asking, or ask only for the things I really need. But I'm discovering that I can ask my Heavenly Father for things in the context of relationship with him, and it is something entirely different. My Dad loves to hear my voice, he loves to talk with me, and he wants me to talk to him about the things that are one my heart- big or small, including my wants.
About two weeks ago I had been bitten by the crafting bug (this overwhelming NEED to make something right.now.) and I was in the middle of a really difficult day at work. This was the perfect storm for me to get whiny and discontent. I tried not to let this spill over to my coworkers or people I interacted with, so I whined to God. It went a little something like:
"I wish I was hoooooome, doing something elllllllllse. Like crafting. Or sewing that box thing. But I don't even have the supplies *pout*. Blarg. I'm trying to be a good steward. I really am. But how about you let me go to JoAnn fabrics after work and buy that $4 zipper that isn't part of my budget this week....What do you mean "no"?? Seriously? ....What do you mean "When am I going to have the time to even work on this until next pay period?" Awww...God...*pout*....I know! How about I just post something on the classified adds at work! Maybe somebody will be getting rid of some scraps or something I could use to take the edge of this crafting thing....AND THEN I'LL CHECK PINTEREST!!"
(on my lunch break...of course..)... So I posted on the online classifieds at work "looking for fabric scraps" and a brief, pithy description of what I would like. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. And absolutely nothing happened.
I was a bit bummed, but it gave me some room to deal with my craptastic attitude. Sometimes turning that whiny- poverty mindset around takes all of my effort. But its worth it. My most helpful tool is thankfulness. I started thanking God that I had a job. That one didn't go down really well at first.... so I just I kept repeating why I was thankful and managed to put more and more of my heart behind it through each repetition. It doesn't always sound great. But it went something like this: 'Thank you that I have a job, when so many others don't. Thank you for my coworkers, and for my cubical that- while small-I don't have to share and I get to make my 'own space'. Thank you for good music to listen to while I'm working. Thank you for humor and working for a company that will pay for half my bus pass. Thank you that I work down town and get to interact with some many people and that each day can be an adventure...." Just thanking him for everything I could think of. I swear its like a reset button on my mood.
About a week later, I sat typing away in my cubicle and I felt a nudge from God to 'post again' on the classified ads at work. I hadn't been thinking of crafting, it just kind of came out of the blue. So I typed up a little something and posted it and went back to work. I remember asking God what he was up to, it seemed so random. I told Him it would be nice to get a small box of fabric out of the deal but I would be content with whatever turned up. Three hours later Jan emailed me. Apparently Jan is moving to Arizona and has a few things she would like to pass along. 'A tub or two' she says.
As it turns out, Jan is a life long dress maker who has a lot of supplies she hasn't been able to part with. 5 bins of fabric filled with wool, jersey, satin, knit, interfacing, lining, heat resistant oven mit material (perfect for the table runner I am making!), two bins of every color thread imaginable, one bin of buttons and zippers (just like the one I wanted to buy, but LOTS of them), 1 box of patterns, and a dress form (in my size) later - I can help but hear God laughing with me. For all of you non-sewers out there, I would estimate I received about $300-$400 worth of supplies. How much did I pay for it? $0.00. Yep. that's right! Nothing. It was absolutely free.:)
"This is how I bless" he says, "with waterfalls when you ask for buckets. Ask me for bigger things..." That sounds like a lovely challenge!
What I thought I wanted:
What God gave me (yay God!):
Yay!!! This is SO AWESOME!!! When I very first got into sewing, not long after I got my machine, I found a moving sale of a lady just like this - a former professional seamstress - who basically gave away her entire stash of fabric, notions, cutting boards, you name it. I did pay her some money but it was a pittance compared to what everything was worth. It felt like God's sweet blessing on my new hobby, which turned out to be a really healing and cathartic outlet for me that year. I love how He so intimately knows not only what we need, but what will make us feel loved and known.
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