| |||||||||
| |||||||||
|
Monday, November 30, 2015
November winds a blowing ....and snowing...
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Thanksgiving for the broken hearted
It's Turkey Day. That once a year feast that Americans are so fond of where we binge in the name of plenty and toast our relations for being smart enough to connect their world to ours. Thanksgiving blogs will pop up like after dinner pie- sweet and served up to those already overstuffed with goodness. Some will count their blessings publically, some will have a patriotic flavor, some will point out hypocrisy and decry (legitimately) the problems with this holiday. This blog is not about that.
This is a blog for the broken hearted, the isolated, the silent. This is a blog for those that are sitting among family and friends and still feel alone. It's for those going to work today to hide the ache. For those who will plaster on fake smiles while desperately trying to hide behind the piles of stuffing and gravy. Feeling....less than thankful.
This blog is for you. You are not alone in the quiet. Here is what my heart has to say to yours today:
I. You don't have to be thankful. And you don't have to feel guilty about it. It's ok to feel the feels. Thankfulness has to do with gratitude and gratitude is difficult in the middle of grief and sadness.
2. Be kind to yourself. You are so important. Please treat yourself as you would treat a dear friend.
3. Allow someone else, the universe, God, to be thankful for you. You are a gift to this world, whether that beautiful, shining gift of you is recognized or not.
So dear one, whether this finds you among friends or in solitude, I pray that you would find peace and space to honor your hearts needs.
Love,
Mel
**If you are struggling with suicide or depression please don't go through this alone. There is help and there is hope. in MN call +1 (612) 379-1199 or nation-wide 1 (800) 273-8255.
Friday, September 11, 2015
One week in: Learning ALL the things....or not.
Hat's off to my first week "on the job"!! Last week was a beast job transition wise, but so amazing! Here's a peak into what this has looked like for me:
I've had a lot of people ask me what does transition from a 9-5 job look like? My answer: I have no idea. I don't feel like I've transition so much as slammed into a brick wall called "days off". Followed by a few days where I've been trying to clear my head of the impact and get myself together. To shake off the cobwebs and allow myself to "coast to a stopping point" I reupholstered a couch, re made a room divider, transplanted some plants, wrestled up a new filing system, gave it a makeover and did 8 loads of laundry in 48 hours. Slowing down isn't something that is a natural process for me. But I'm' learning. Cuz it's needed ya'll. Actually learning is probably my theme right now and for the foreseeable future. Here are some of my highlights.
1. I'm not going to get it "right" all the time. With any job, there is a learning curve and grace and humility is needed in large doses. I've bombed a couple of things already. And it really stinks, especially as those things can effect others. But I also have an opportunity to practice self love and acceptance while encouraging myself to grow in new skill sets. Go team me!
2. I get to be a "door opener". Over the last 5 business days, I've had 6 meetings with people and I love it! Whether we've chatted about life, the opportunity to join a leader cohort in Immerse's Equipping and Training program, or been in the middle of a Prayer Resolution session I find myself looking for doors and inviting others to step through them into new possibilities. This is so much fun!
3.Structure is my friend, especially in the mornings. Check out this helpful article here: Business Insider . What I took from this article was the importance of a sustainable and consistent morning routine. I've also tried to put into practice "no screen time" until I sit down at my computer. #lifeonpurpose.
4. Sabbath Rest and Boundaries are my new love language. It is crucial for me to STOP doing ALL the things. Seriously. Stop it for 24 hours. There are times in life when this isn't possible for me, but it cannot be a lifestyle. I'm learning how to coast into a rhythm that looks manageable and good. One where I make coffee in the morning and take time to pray for my friends. I took exactly 24 hours off last week and this beautiful rest cozied up and settled in all around me. I might call it quiet, or 'the peace of God', or both. It was like a sweet fragrance that infiltrated my day. Now, I catch a whiff of it every morning as I rest, pray, and make my coffee in the morning.
So much learning, but its happening. Coffee helps. Rest helps. And you guys help a ton too. Thanks for all of your text and encouragements this last week. Excited to see what next week brings!
I've had a lot of people ask me what does transition from a 9-5 job look like? My answer: I have no idea. I don't feel like I've transition so much as slammed into a brick wall called "days off". Followed by a few days where I've been trying to clear my head of the impact and get myself together. To shake off the cobwebs and allow myself to "coast to a stopping point" I reupholstered a couch, re made a room divider, transplanted some plants, wrestled up a new filing system, gave it a makeover and did 8 loads of laundry in 48 hours. Slowing down isn't something that is a natural process for me. But I'm' learning. Cuz it's needed ya'll. Actually learning is probably my theme right now and for the foreseeable future. Here are some of my highlights.
1. I'm not going to get it "right" all the time. With any job, there is a learning curve and grace and humility is needed in large doses. I've bombed a couple of things already. And it really stinks, especially as those things can effect others. But I also have an opportunity to practice self love and acceptance while encouraging myself to grow in new skill sets. Go team me!
2. I get to be a "door opener". Over the last 5 business days, I've had 6 meetings with people and I love it! Whether we've chatted about life, the opportunity to join a leader cohort in Immerse's Equipping and Training program, or been in the middle of a Prayer Resolution session I find myself looking for doors and inviting others to step through them into new possibilities. This is so much fun!
3.Structure is my friend, especially in the mornings. Check out this helpful article here: Business Insider . What I took from this article was the importance of a sustainable and consistent morning routine. I've also tried to put into practice "no screen time" until I sit down at my computer. #lifeonpurpose.
4. Sabbath Rest and Boundaries are my new love language. It is crucial for me to STOP doing ALL the things. Seriously. Stop it for 24 hours. There are times in life when this isn't possible for me, but it cannot be a lifestyle. I'm learning how to coast into a rhythm that looks manageable and good. One where I make coffee in the morning and take time to pray for my friends. I took exactly 24 hours off last week and this beautiful rest cozied up and settled in all around me. I might call it quiet, or 'the peace of God', or both. It was like a sweet fragrance that infiltrated my day. Now, I catch a whiff of it every morning as I rest, pray, and make my coffee in the morning.
So much learning, but its happening. Coffee helps. Rest helps. And you guys help a ton too. Thanks for all of your text and encouragements this last week. Excited to see what next week brings!
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Exciting changes!!
Hi, friends!
I am so excited to tell you about changes that are happening in my life in the next few months! To save you time, here’s the skinny: 1. I’ve been hired as a Director of Ministries at Immerse Discipleship! 2. I need to raise my own salary – will you help me?
I’ve been working with
Immerse for over two years in a volunteer capacity. In January, I realized I needed to make a
choice: either cut back on my Immerse activities or seriously consider a change
of vocation. I love my current job as an Academic Coach at Capella
University! It would take something
pretty amazing to entice me to leave.
But after prayer, counsel and planning I believe it’s time to take the
plunge!
Each of Immerse’s goals of “Mature, Healthy, and Effective” are an individual track one could participate in. I have been hired to work as the Director of the “Effective track”. My job description is pretty big; here‘s what I’m excited about.
Leader Collaboration: Leader Collaborative Groups are 8 week groups that provide a place for leaders from churches across the Twin Cities to connect, invest in their spiritual growth, learn from one another and gain new tools. The prayer, discussion and practice times have been incredibly powerful during our summer group. While I am sad to see our group conclude, I am look forward to refining this group process as we launch another Leader Collaborative in the spring of 2016.
Equipping and Training: This track will be launching in one month! I will be helping build up and grow all leaders serving in Immerse. My goal for these amazing people is that they will become more aware of their gifts and the calling on their life as they experience the life changing power of God.
Prayer Resolution: This one is my heart, y'all. Prayer Resolution is a tool that helps a person bring their hurts, traumas, and unhealthy patterns to their Heavenly Father and find freedom and resolution! God has used this tool to change my life in dramatic ways and I am beyond thrilled to use this tool in a "full time" capacity. I will be focusing tow weeks out of every month on just Prayer Resolution sessions.
Prayer Resolution: This one is my heart, y'all. Prayer Resolution is a tool that helps a person bring their hurts, traumas, and unhealthy patterns to their Heavenly Father and find freedom and resolution! God has used this tool to change my life in dramatic ways and I am beyond thrilled to use this tool in a "full time" capacity. I will be focusing tow weeks out of every month on just Prayer Resolution sessions.
 |
| Questions? I'd love to connect with you |
This
is my new day job! I am not sure it is
possible to be more excited than I am right now. Will you partner with me to
make this a long term reality? Any
amount is helpful, especially if you can partner with me financially on a
monthly basis. Your donation is tax
deductible and can be set up online in less time than it takes to read this
letter. You can also use the form below
to send in donations. Not able to give?
I would love your prayer support as well!
*please add my name in the special instructions section
See below for more info!
Director of Ministries
Immerse Discipleship
"Serving the global Body of Christ so that it can be as Mature, Healthy and Effective as possible."
Thanks for your support!
Here’s a couple of ways you can participate:
2.
Click donate
3.
Enter the amount,
4.
Check the “Make This Recurring” Button (if
applicable). Sign in to Pay Pal.
5.
Once you sign into PayPal, click the ”Add
Special Instruction”. Write "Melissa Lundquist" in that field.
Monday, March 3, 2014
The Day I Met God
For some
of us, we enter into the Kingdom of God gently.
I am not one of those people. For some of us it is a power encounter. A time where God breaks into our lives, and
breaks us out of the jail we were living in – silencing the tormentors, and
creating a newness that is as foreign as the concept of “peace”. This was more along the lines of my
experience.
God, more
or less crashed into my life when I was fourteen, on the night I planned to
start down the road to my death. I had
been thinking about it for months. I
knew that I wanted to end my life. I
knew that I couldn’t carry the pain and trauma for much longer. In my heart, I knew there was more to
experience in life, and I wanted to
experience it. I was stuck somewhere in
limbo between thirst for life and knowledge that uninvited death was crushing
me. So I found a creative compromise – I
would live for the next 8-9 years as a drug addict and alcoholic. This would buy me time to experience some things,
and the drugs and alcohol would numb out
the pain that was currently eating me alive.
I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever, so I would be used up by the time
I was 23. This was the age I planned to
overdose and kill myself. If I decided to be pathetic I could maybe stretch it
to 24, but really, let’s not resort to that. Have some courage and self respect. In truth,
I was one of the youngest, full blown- fatalistic- epicureans I knew. “Eat, drink, for tomorrow we die”, at least
it would if all went according to plan.
There were
lots of reasons for my death wish. It
was a really dark time. But this isn’t a story about the darkness, it’s a story
about the rescue.
They may
not have known what to do with me, this morose child, but my parents loved me
and in desperation turned to the only one they knew could save me. I firmly believe it was because my dad was
fasting and praying for God’s intervention, that my world changed.
I had
worked for two months to be invited to the biggest party of the fall. The cops were going to be called at least 2
times, guaranteed. Hopefully no one
would be busted for possession until after we were good and smashed. Then we could sleep it off in jail and deal
with the consequences after. Strategy,
planning, social finagaling, and finally, invitation. I was in. And it was this night that I
planned to launch the beginning of the end of me.
This is
where things become really fuzzy. My
friend Kerri was a couple of years older than me. We grew up together and were like
sisters. My church had a teeny tiny youth group. And this itty bitty gathering of people were
going to go to this youth conference that was coming to town. Kerri practically begged me to come. And I said no. For a month. It was the same night as the
party, and I had plans to get to. Besides, youth conference – boring. Drugs- not boring. This didn’t seem like rocket science to me.
And then
inexplicably the week of the conference, I changed my mind. Actually that is a misnomer, my heart was literally
changed with in me. I had absolutely no
desire to go to this party. In fact,
every time I thought about it, things seemed to get really hazy. And I my heart
became set on going to the conference.
WHAT? It still sounds crazy to
me, and I lived it. And even when I got miserable sick right before I was
supposed to leave for the conference, it seemed to solidify my decision. “I’m going.
And that is that.” Where on earth
did that come from?? Certainly this was not generated by me.
We were
loaded up into a borrowed minivan with 8 other kids and two adults. Yes, in true youth group style, we did stick
two people in the trunk. And then all of us piled out of the van clown
style and into Marriuci Arena. I got stuck in an aisle seat. I thought this was great, because in my mind,
fleeing was still very much an option. Also, I had lost most confidence in my
digestive system at that point. So all was working in my favor. Except that I
couldn’t really talk. The kids around me
tried to engage me in conversation. But
there was something about the air that made my muscles shaky and my insides
tremble and I couldn’t really focus on anything else. Not the I’m going to run
to the rest room version I had been experiencing up until this point, but
something told me I was entering into a place where Holy lived, and my body
reacted accordingly.
I have
never felt an atmosphere so thick. There was peace, and power, and something
that plucked at my soul and felt oddly like…hope. It felt like a physical cloud. Now there WAS
a cloud from the pyrotechnics they had been using…but it was more than
that. Deeper than that. It was love.
And then it was vision – and a reason to live. I can’t tell you what was
said during the sermon. I remember a
video about being a world changer. That
some how got printed on my new spiritual DNA. But I don’t remember much else.
Mainly I just
remember the end of the evening. My
heart had been beating wildly all night long.
I didn’t know why. The speaker was kind enough to explain it. “If you are sitting in your chair and you
feel your heart beating wildly right now, that’s the Holy Spirit. If you would like to respond to the
invitation that God is giving you tonight, come down to the front”. I thought for
about 30 seconds, and that’s when my whole spirit and soul heard Him. The God of all the Universe talked
to.me. “Melissa, I see you, and I see
everything you’ve done.” And in that
seeing I was undone. He had seen me, and all of the nights I spent awake anxious
and confused, he saw the pain, he saw the causes, he saw how alone I felt and everything I had ever done in response – the meanness
I had cultivated, the death I sought, the death I had sown into the lives of
others. It broke my heart. All the bitterness, the betrayal, the ugly of
it all that I had buried myself in came loose, and I saw the truth of it. The
only response that even seemed remotely ‘right’ was to throw myself on his
mercy. I had no assurance of his
reaction, I had only the hope that he is a loving God, and memories of his
gentleness.
I twitched, ready to walk forward. The girl next to
me grabbed my hand and asked in joy and earnestness, “do you want me to come
with you”. Yes. Yes I did.
Mainly because if I fell over due to the shakiness, or the overwhelming sorrow
of the moment I figured she could catch me and perhaps roll me out
of the way hotdog style. Decision made, I headed for the front.
God in his
great mercy met me there. I say ‘there’,
because it was there that I came to be on my knees praying honest and desperate
prayers. “God I need you, I am so sorry”.
In truth, he met me some time before. He
was in the lonely nights, and next to me in the despair. He was the voice that
reminded me that there was life to be lived even as I planned my death. He was the one that made meanness less
desirable and shielded me from the consequences of the worst of my actions. It
was his mercy and joy that led me shaky down the aisle to the front of Mariucci
Arena. And it was his power and blood that transformed me, took my sins upon
himself, and let me stand to my feet 45 minutes later a soggy new creation. He
drove away the tormentors, and called me by a new name – His. It’s a name I will keep forever, and it by far
one of my favorites.
Things
changed that day, and I say honestly that I have never been the same. He
rescued me. Still rescues me each day
with his love. And I am so grateful. I don’t have a nice bow for this story,
mainly because it isn’t over. I will say this though, I turned 30 in September
and couldn’t stop smiling – a deep down smile that has nothing to do with my
face and everything to do with my heart. I asked God about it about two months
later, and as I did I realized that I never, ever, imagined myself as 30 years
old. Somehow that marker –death by 24
years old- kept me captive long after my deathwish died, bloody and redeemed. But this year, which is dreaded by almost all
of the population of American women, is set apart for me. It is a gift and it is a treasure. I made it.
I am alive. More that, he has
caused me to live. He has mended so much
of the damage, and continues to mend, assuring me each step of the way “I see
you Melissa”. I get to wrap myself in his love, and the assurance that I am
His. Truly – best.thing.ever.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Noise and Precision – The Noise - Part 1
I have lived
with noise in my head. Lots of noise. Some of it is really fun, some of it is
terribly distracting. I am easily side tracked by the shiney, the
humorous, the odd and out of place. Perhaps you can relate? I used to be
so distractible that it would take me roughly an hour a day to sort through all
the stimuli I encountered. Some people instinctively pick up
what they need to know in order to survive. I was not that
person. Every single day, I would replay the various conversations,
silent interactions, information gathered from print, TV, Facebook, and pull
out what was needed. I then tried to organize THAT information into some
sort of coherent filing system and world view. Most people have something
like this in place. For me it was intentionally picking through the pile of information for about an hour, and then
filing it away purposefully, carefully, with a very specific label.
Unfortunately, during these ‘filing’ times, crippling emotions and other
things would jump out of closets and drawers when I least expected
it. Surprise! This would often send me shaking and hiding to some
corner of my own mind clutching every emotional defense mechanism I had in my
possession. But life doesn’t stop when I am hiding in the corner.
My ‘in box’ grew large, right along with new emotional companions –
“overwhelmed” and “extremely frustrated”. In short, life was just
exhausting. All.the.time. And truthfully, it didn’t feel much like
life. It felt like survival.
About 4 years
ago I decided to hunt down my terrifying emotions. I was running
from all emotions at this point, not just the threatening ones. The really ugly ones:
Shame, Pain, and Isolation, became a pack and started dogging my every step.
So I decided to hunt them back. I knew of two instance in my life where
these emotions feasted and I thought it logical to start there. But I was
going to need help. I enlisted a kind counselor named Ruth. We
never much got to the emotional stuff. After one conversation with me, she strongly suggested I
get tested for ADD. I nodded politely as I tried to mentally locate my rolodex
of other counselors I could call – clearly this one was off her rocker… but
then got distracted by the light reflecting off her picture frames in just the
same way as this one picture I studied in college, by….Kandinsky? he was
in the modern group right? Remember that time at MOMA in NY….SOUNDS Like
boats in the Harbor…….And that dog the lady was walking on the Brooklyn
Promanade….NY…airplanes…Ear popping altitude…I really hate
falling….Crashing….remember how you thought being boiled alive would be awful
last week in the bath when it was too hot?...SNORKLING…I should try that
sometime….GLITTERING fish like the lights on the picture frame….WHAT??
Sorry…did you just say something?? ADD? Me? No. I graduated
college thanks. People with ADD have….real problems. Mine are just in my
head.
Ruth must
have seen these thoughts, or maybe she just saw the glazed over look in my
eye. Whatever it was, she wasn’t buy it. “Ever need help cleaning
your room? Organizing?” I physically
winced. How did she know that?? I spent so much time hiding the fact I didn’t ‘have
it together’, it may seem dumb to you organized reader, but it felt like an awful
thing I had to keep quiet. The shame
around this was immense. Labels like “lazy”,
“dirty” and “never going to get it right” seemed to fit the bill as the chaos I lived in
each day re-enforced these negative perceptions. I broke down twice and accepted help
organizing my stuff. There is nothing like coming to the acknowledge your limitations,
not to mention the amount of time you spend making sure that your bedroom door
is securely shut. My intensely organized roommates had taken pity on me and offered to
help me ‘find a place for everything’. They are a compassionate pair of
people, and I love them dearly. We went through everything I owned.
Luckily by hour three, they stopped asking why they found banana peels in my sock
drawer, and where gracious when they discovered power tools next to my dental
floss. I would often get distracted
while putting things away and stash things wherever I could find a place. So
the roommates dove in with gusto. They set aside verbal judgment, and simply
began throwing things away. It was in that moment that I knew they truly loved
me. Me and my crap didn’t fit into their ordered world, but instead of
kicking me out, they simply helped me organize it. For eight and half hours.
And laughed with me while they did it. This could be a blog on how much
that spoke to me of their love and care, but that’s a blog for another day. (I
still get distracted, but now it’s just with the good stuff;) ).
Back to
Counselor Ruth who is waiting me to answer her question: yes.
Yes I have had to ask for help for basic organizational skills. Ruth
carefully explained to me that some people will go undiagnosed because they weren't seen as "failing" in school. They are coping with some success. They are often A-B
students, who struggle to figure out how to “do life” as an adult. Many
will lose jobs and have damaged relationship because of this. Others will
create ways of floating under the radar, using creative problem solving to ‘get
by’. A very small portion of adults will use ADD’s super-secret gift of
“hyper focus” to propel them into next steps, and tenaciously get projects
done. Not all people are driven by taskmasters. Some are just
incapable of stepping outside the hyper-focus slip stream. Once outside it
however, chaos generally reigns supreme.
I conducted a brief
poll of my nearest and dearest, and then I consented to testing. After a
battery of listening tests, and IQ tests, and other learning difficulty
testing, I had my answer- I scored above average!....on the ADD
continuum. What this means as that I have ADD in the moderate to severe
range. Because of other compensation, I
was never diagnosed until I was an adult.
I give you details
of this discovery because I didn’t see
ADD in my life until I saw examples. I
needed to see ADD in a ‘normal adult’s ‘ life .
I was never hyperactive kid or a 'problem' (unless I wanted to be). I didn’t struggle with self control – in fact
I was usually slow to act on things. I never had a clue. If
I hadn’t been diagnosed four years ago, I would have had a really rough go of
things, and probably wouldn’t be where I am now- a place where noise has
quieted and precision is possible. More on that next time.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Buckets and waterfalls
One of the recurring themes I have been meditating on is God's provision for me. Not in the sense that 'God provides for people' in general broad sweeping terms, but that he really cares for me, Melissa Joy Lundquist, in a very specific way. An entire wardrobe of clothing has been given to me for free (I do not care in the LEAST that they are second hand), to having just enough funds to cover the cost of unexpected medical bills with my unexpected bonus, God has continually proven he will take care of me. I actually have a running list in my head. Now there's a list to mull over! Thankfulness does not even express how grateful I have been in these times of need.
But what about those times where I bring my WANTS to God? I try really hard not to treat God like Santa Clause or a vending machine. At least this has been what I have been told to avoid growing up in church. "God won't give you a red Ferrari just because you ask for it!" My solution for years has been to avoid asking, or ask only for the things I really need. But I'm discovering that I can ask my Heavenly Father for things in the context of relationship with him, and it is something entirely different. My Dad loves to hear my voice, he loves to talk with me, and he wants me to talk to him about the things that are one my heart- big or small, including my wants.
About two weeks ago I had been bitten by the crafting bug (this overwhelming NEED to make something right.now.) and I was in the middle of a really difficult day at work. This was the perfect storm for me to get whiny and discontent. I tried not to let this spill over to my coworkers or people I interacted with, so I whined to God. It went a little something like:
"I wish I was hoooooome, doing something elllllllllse. Like crafting. Or sewing that box thing. But I don't even have the supplies *pout*. Blarg. I'm trying to be a good steward. I really am. But how about you let me go to JoAnn fabrics after work and buy that $4 zipper that isn't part of my budget this week....What do you mean "no"?? Seriously? ....What do you mean "When am I going to have the time to even work on this until next pay period?" Awww...God...*pout*....I know! How about I just post something on the classified adds at work! Maybe somebody will be getting rid of some scraps or something I could use to take the edge of this crafting thing....AND THEN I'LL CHECK PINTEREST!!"
(on my lunch break...of course..)... So I posted on the online classifieds at work "looking for fabric scraps" and a brief, pithy description of what I would like. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. And absolutely nothing happened.
I was a bit bummed, but it gave me some room to deal with my craptastic attitude. Sometimes turning that whiny- poverty mindset around takes all of my effort. But its worth it. My most helpful tool is thankfulness. I started thanking God that I had a job. That one didn't go down really well at first.... so I just I kept repeating why I was thankful and managed to put more and more of my heart behind it through each repetition. It doesn't always sound great. But it went something like this: 'Thank you that I have a job, when so many others don't. Thank you for my coworkers, and for my cubical that- while small-I don't have to share and I get to make my 'own space'. Thank you for good music to listen to while I'm working. Thank you for humor and working for a company that will pay for half my bus pass. Thank you that I work down town and get to interact with some many people and that each day can be an adventure...." Just thanking him for everything I could think of. I swear its like a reset button on my mood.
About a week later, I sat typing away in my cubicle and I felt a nudge from God to 'post again' on the classified ads at work. I hadn't been thinking of crafting, it just kind of came out of the blue. So I typed up a little something and posted it and went back to work. I remember asking God what he was up to, it seemed so random. I told Him it would be nice to get a small box of fabric out of the deal but I would be content with whatever turned up. Three hours later Jan emailed me. Apparently Jan is moving to Arizona and has a few things she would like to pass along. 'A tub or two' she says.
As it turns out, Jan is a life long dress maker who has a lot of supplies she hasn't been able to part with. 5 bins of fabric filled with wool, jersey, satin, knit, interfacing, lining, heat resistant oven mit material (perfect for the table runner I am making!), two bins of every color thread imaginable, one bin of buttons and zippers (just like the one I wanted to buy, but LOTS of them), 1 box of patterns, and a dress form (in my size) later - I can help but hear God laughing with me. For all of you non-sewers out there, I would estimate I received about $300-$400 worth of supplies. How much did I pay for it? $0.00. Yep. that's right! Nothing. It was absolutely free.:)
"This is how I bless" he says, "with waterfalls when you ask for buckets. Ask me for bigger things..." That sounds like a lovely challenge!
But what about those times where I bring my WANTS to God? I try really hard not to treat God like Santa Clause or a vending machine. At least this has been what I have been told to avoid growing up in church. "God won't give you a red Ferrari just because you ask for it!" My solution for years has been to avoid asking, or ask only for the things I really need. But I'm discovering that I can ask my Heavenly Father for things in the context of relationship with him, and it is something entirely different. My Dad loves to hear my voice, he loves to talk with me, and he wants me to talk to him about the things that are one my heart- big or small, including my wants.
About two weeks ago I had been bitten by the crafting bug (this overwhelming NEED to make something right.now.) and I was in the middle of a really difficult day at work. This was the perfect storm for me to get whiny and discontent. I tried not to let this spill over to my coworkers or people I interacted with, so I whined to God. It went a little something like:
"I wish I was hoooooome, doing something elllllllllse. Like crafting. Or sewing that box thing. But I don't even have the supplies *pout*. Blarg. I'm trying to be a good steward. I really am. But how about you let me go to JoAnn fabrics after work and buy that $4 zipper that isn't part of my budget this week....What do you mean "no"?? Seriously? ....What do you mean "When am I going to have the time to even work on this until next pay period?" Awww...God...*pout*....I know! How about I just post something on the classified adds at work! Maybe somebody will be getting rid of some scraps or something I could use to take the edge of this crafting thing....AND THEN I'LL CHECK PINTEREST!!"
(on my lunch break...of course..)... So I posted on the online classifieds at work "looking for fabric scraps" and a brief, pithy description of what I would like. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. And absolutely nothing happened.
I was a bit bummed, but it gave me some room to deal with my craptastic attitude. Sometimes turning that whiny- poverty mindset around takes all of my effort. But its worth it. My most helpful tool is thankfulness. I started thanking God that I had a job. That one didn't go down really well at first.... so I just I kept repeating why I was thankful and managed to put more and more of my heart behind it through each repetition. It doesn't always sound great. But it went something like this: 'Thank you that I have a job, when so many others don't. Thank you for my coworkers, and for my cubical that- while small-I don't have to share and I get to make my 'own space'. Thank you for good music to listen to while I'm working. Thank you for humor and working for a company that will pay for half my bus pass. Thank you that I work down town and get to interact with some many people and that each day can be an adventure...." Just thanking him for everything I could think of. I swear its like a reset button on my mood.
About a week later, I sat typing away in my cubicle and I felt a nudge from God to 'post again' on the classified ads at work. I hadn't been thinking of crafting, it just kind of came out of the blue. So I typed up a little something and posted it and went back to work. I remember asking God what he was up to, it seemed so random. I told Him it would be nice to get a small box of fabric out of the deal but I would be content with whatever turned up. Three hours later Jan emailed me. Apparently Jan is moving to Arizona and has a few things she would like to pass along. 'A tub or two' she says.
As it turns out, Jan is a life long dress maker who has a lot of supplies she hasn't been able to part with. 5 bins of fabric filled with wool, jersey, satin, knit, interfacing, lining, heat resistant oven mit material (perfect for the table runner I am making!), two bins of every color thread imaginable, one bin of buttons and zippers (just like the one I wanted to buy, but LOTS of them), 1 box of patterns, and a dress form (in my size) later - I can help but hear God laughing with me. For all of you non-sewers out there, I would estimate I received about $300-$400 worth of supplies. How much did I pay for it? $0.00. Yep. that's right! Nothing. It was absolutely free.:)
"This is how I bless" he says, "with waterfalls when you ask for buckets. Ask me for bigger things..." That sounds like a lovely challenge!
What I thought I wanted:
What God gave me (yay God!):
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)